Cynicism and Medicine

Okay, I've just accepted the fact that I'm going to have to wait at least six months to see if the new tumor is growing or if there are more. I'm not a patient person so I'm finding this incredibly frustrating. Waiting for an elevator makes me crazy so you can imagine someone like me being told I have to wait six months to a year for another freaking scan. Agh............ But really I can do this. I will find my Zen and calmly accept this waiting period. Can't I?

The radiation has done a number on my spine so I started physical therapy today. This is another one of the medical sciences that I have always thought of as kind of bogus. This idea is regularly enforced by the engineers and doctors I work with that do medical research and development. One of the doctors explained to me that medicine is a "practice". They practice on their patients until they find something that works and even then it doesn't work all the time. Meaning that half the time they are making it up as they go along. This doesn't make me feel very secure even though I carefully picked my doctors for their specific expertise. Someone please talk me down from my cynicism and impatience.

Update and Drama

My six month follow up with the Oncologist was today. He told me that the tumors they had radiated have not grown however a tumor that had not been on previous MRI's had been reported. He didn't know if it was new or if it had been present when I went through radiation. Basically, it's wait for six months and check it again. My tumors are generally benign and he told me not to worry. I'm not sure how it is considered benign if they keep multiplying? I'm just so frustrated as I was hoping for better news.

Here I am feeling sorry for myself and I hear a sound like a window breaking. It's twelve midnight so I go to the window and my next door neighbors house is fully engulfed in flames. They got out okay but it doesn't look like their animals did. I think they've had a worse day than I have!

Update

I had two follow up appointments last week. One with the ENT Surgeon and the other with my Endocrinologist. It's been four months since my surgery and I am happy to report my voice still sounds great. The doc took a look and told me he does not need to see me for another 6 months. The Endo was as usual not much help. He is very nice but what I have is not his area of expertise. Last year a month after my Thyroid surgery I had what I call a horrible episode. jerking movements in my neck, panic like symptoms, Racing heart, insomnia for weeks, buzzing feelings and feeling like someone flipped a switch and I was on like an electrical appliance and high blood pressure. This has happened sporadically from time to time and I went to see my primary doctor. He ran a test and my thyroid indicators were dangerously low. Actually he said I should have been in a coma as he had had patients with higher levels that were in a coma. Scared me a little so I made an appointment with the Endo and he was really irritated that I had gone to my PCP about this. He said it couldn't be my thyroid but didn't give me any indication on what it could be. He grudgingly ordered the Urine test but it came out just slightly elevated. The last month or so some of my episodic symptoms have come back, this time with really low blood pressure alternating with hbp and pain and tingles in my neck radiating down my spine so I decided to do an "experiment" by myself. I knew my thyroid levels were stable so I stopped taking the medicine for a week, the only symptoms I experienced was shakiness and some blood pressure spikes but no low blood pressure so I think I can rule out the thyroid as being the cause but I would really like to know what is causing it. I brought up the new/sporadic symptoms and the fact the pcp thinks I need an MRI of the spine and the Endo told me it wasn't his area of expertise....... Agh...............I'm not sure how to move doctors? I've been also seeing Dr. Yu for genetic counseling who is a pheo/para expert but the drive to Cedar's is just awful and I wish I could find someone at UCLA that could help. They do have their own resident expert but as my current doctor works in the same department I'm not sure how I would do this without any hurt feelings. Anyone have any ideas?

Realization of New Year's Resolutions

I wrote last week that my number 1 2010 New Year's resolution is for 2010 to be a better year. I'm happy to report that this is already working out for me!!!! My boss pulled me into her office yesterday and informed me I had been approved for a promotion! Woo Hoo!!!!!!! So for all those of you out there waiting for something good to happen this is proof that good things happen and they can happen to you too! Must go do the happy dance now.....

New Year's Resolution

Yes I'm late in making my New Year's resolution but hey I've been busy so this is the best I can do.

1. 2010 has to be a better year than 2009!
2. Now that I can actually speak (and be heard) I am determined to go on dates and have fun.
3. I will enroll in CSUN this spring - Going for my MBA
4. I will get my SPHR certification
5. I will update this blog at least once per month and keep up with my facebook friends.

I know I've been missing in action for a long time. I've been feeling better and just wanted a break from the whole health issue so with that said....I'm back! Just a little update, I can speak! Woo Hoo! I can't even express how happy that makes me. Ironic huh? I've got follow up visits with the Surgeon and Endocrinologist in February and with the Oncologists in March. Here's hoping 2010 is a far better year than 2009.

Body Image

***This is a diary I posted on DailyKos and thought I'd share with you since it does fold into the health perspective.***

I was in our office breakroom heating up my lunch yesterday when a coworker came up to me and asked me how much weight I've lost and wanted to know what kind of diet I'm on. I've lost about forty pounds in the last two months because of illness so instead of sharing the horrible details that I'm sure is more than she bargained for I've been putting off this rather persistent colleague with vague answers. Yesterday she was like a dog with a bone though and wouldn't let it go. Atkins, Weight Watchers, Low Carb and on and on..... I finally had enough and blurted out that I'm on the radiation starvation diet. You would think that would have stopped her right? Guess again....she said (I kid you not) "Well it looks like it's working for you"!!! WTF??

Seriously, I know we have a culture that equates "thin" with attractive however there is just something wrong with the idea of being thin at any price. Which brings me to why we should care.

The truth is that most American women come in all different shapes and sizes and do not conform to what the ideal is that we see in the media daily. This disconnect with reality has a negative impact on girls who are subliminally told over and over again what is attractive and what is not and find themselves lacking.

Thin may be attractive in our society but it does not equal healthy. Take for an example this picture of a Ralph Lauren model....

She's attractive right? This picture is not real though, Ralph Lauren airbrushed this picture of her so that her head appears larger than her pelvis! Not biologically possible, not healthy and not a realistic example of beauty. This model who in reality is 5 feet 10 inches tall and weighs 120 pounds was fired for being "unable to fulfill the terms of her contract" code for being too fat to fit in to the size 0 samples.

I've attached the Weight Watcher's healthy weight range chart below and if you fall within the ranges you are doing good.

Weight Watchers Weight Ranges For Adults (in pounds)Height Ft/In Min Max 4'8" 56" 89 112 4'9" 57" 92 116 4'10" 58" 96 120 4'11" 59" 99 124 5'0" 60" 102 128 5'1" 61" 106 132 5'2" 62" 109 137 5'3" 63" 113 141 5'4" 64" 117 146 5'5" 65" 120 150 5'6" 66" 124 155 5'7" 67" 128 160 5'8" 68" 132 164 5'9" 69" 135 169 5'10" 70" 139 174 5'11" 71" 143 179 6'0" 72" 147 184 6'1" 73" 152 189 6'2" 74" 156 195 6'3" 75" 160 200 6'4" 76" 164 205 6'5" 77" 169 211 6'6" 78" 173 216 6'7" 79" 178 222

Healthy is what should matter, not whether you fit someone else's idea of what attractive is.

Woo Hoo!!!!

I've finally done all my follow up appointments and it's good news all around. I saw my radiation oncologist and he said everything looks fine but I will have to have new MRI's done every 6 months to monitor the paragangliomas. I don't have to see him again for another 6 months. My Endocrinologist told me that I will not need the Radioactive Iodine treatment and I just have to see him every 3 months for follow ups. The Neuroendocrinologist said my abdominal MRI came back clear and best of all my ENT surgeon said everything looks good so he scheduled me for my vocal chord surgery..............this Friday! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. Of course those of you who know me knows that this is how this whole journey started out! I went to the doctor to fix my paralyzed vocal chord and of course he found the Thyroid cancer and Paraganglioma and those had to be dealt with before they would touch the vocal chords. I'm off to do the happy dance!